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How to drive like a Gentleman, part 4

Steve Whitaker 10th July 2013
by Steve Whitaker

My dear chaps and chapesses,

I believe the time is ripe for another foray into the murky underworld of automotive manners. If you have read our previous missives on the subject, you will already be more than able to drive like a gentleman, although there are some persons (who shall remain nameless) who require an occasional reminder.

With that in mind, it’s time to place your snifter of choice on one side, shout “Tally-ho” and propel oneself headlong...


Those wonderful motor vehicular artisans saw fit to position ochreus luminescences (or “indicators”, as I believe they are named) on the sides of your conveyance in order to let other road users know which way you are preparing to turn at a junction. Since they utilised their aptitude and artistry, time and effort to place these wonderful devices on your car, surely it is only good manners to use them at the appropriate juncture?

There is very little that perplexes the gentleman or gentlewoman driver so much as the type of blackguard who either neglects to inform those driving around them which way they are intending to turn (or that they are intending to turn at all), or having made their turn, or changing lanes, neglects to deactivate their indicators.

This causes much consternation, as while those drivers who commit this heinous sin carry on oblivious, those of use of a more gentlemanly disposition are left waiting for said driver to make the turn they are telling us they are about to make, when one may as well hold one’s breath awaiting the abdication of our Dear Monarch!


Whilst one may enjoy a puff on a pinch of preeminent stuff in the old pipe, or a fine cigar following a fine evening - smoking whilst in the driving seat of one’s motor car can be somewhat ill-advised.

You see, dear reader, if one is making use of the finest examples of the tobacconist’s art, one is not fully cognisant with the events surrounding one’s vehicle. This is all very well when said vehicle is being driven by one’s driver, or one is perched in the passenger seat, but can be dashed irresponsible when in the pilot’s position, and may lead to a pranging of one’s pride and joy. Obviously this is not acceptable.


This grave transgression is most often committed by the very foulest of oiks. They drive along the Queen’s Highway, despoiling the peace with their “bangin’ choons” played at highly disagreeable volume. If that is not bad enough, dear reader, these ragamuffins then proceed to eject the wrappers of their comestibles (usually purchased from the McDonald’s food emporium) through the windows of their vehicle.

Obviously this is absolutely unacceptable. The correct procedure for those of a gentlemanly disposition is always, and by this I do mean “always”, to locate an appropriate receptacle to deposit the wrappings from one’s consumed fare. It is not as if these devices are difficult to locate, as they are spread widely across our green and pleasant.

Until the next time, dear readers.

Drive carefully.

Quentin Cholmondley_Silverstone

Click here to read part 3 of this feature

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